I’m still unable to sleep. And now I’m slightly tired but the day is starting to get brighter much quicker than yesterday, or the day before. Bummer. My sleep cycle is so totally ruined.

I’m totally blaming my over-acting mind again for keeping me sleep deprived these few days. Then again, its my fault for “trying to have a break away from details” and “try to see the big picture”. Now I’m seeing abstraction everywhere I go. Whether its my course degree or just my future in general, what was once a fixed and definite option, now seems like shaky ground. And of course, it doesn’t hurt to add an ∞ more possible detours and pathways. Sigh. When did things start to get exponentially difficult?

Now of course, my initial response was to pretend I never questioned it, and I would escape the chaotic bind. But then thoughts started creeping into my conscious mind. How would a little lost lamb survive in a bizarre pandemonium, filled with minefields and blazing fire bolts swooping around? Apparently my mind didn’t want to stop pestering me.

Which lead me to ponder upon the “big picture”. To be honest, it wasn’t as ‘scary’ as I thought it would be, mostly due to the fact that the biggest fear was the fear of the unknown. The insanely large amount of different possibilites and the monstrous effects one tiny difference has on a large-scale timeline was intimidating to say the least. But I thought that I couldn’t really know what would happen in actual future, and all I could do right now is just give a rough draft of what is the ideal path I’d like to take. Just like a remote-control missile, making small corrections in real-time helps a great deal, instead of making a complex mathematical equation to plan the whole thing at first.

And this simple realisation came only after sleepless nights filled with my ipod and my uncle’s gourmet pizza. I must’ve been very bored (or very hungry, those were excellent pizzas).

So now its too early to do anything, but to late to get back to sleep. Oh great, the dilemmas I have. Too insignificant, yet I’m still indulging myself in the options. Which kinda brings another dilemma. 

Yeah, I guess I am very bored.